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The Negotiator

Updated: Feb 9, 2021

If you could have one talent that you do not naturally have, what would that be?

I would love to be a talented negotiator. (There was absolutely no hesitation in this answer after I read this question). Wouldn’t that help me win debates? For example, when I say, “No,” and (statistically) men try to negotiate my answer – I would love to be easily, naturally strong enough and clever enough to out-negotiate them (which should not be necessary!) every single time. On the other hand, I could simply be strong enough to stand my ground and have “No,” be enough of an answer, and that’s that! Now, I'm not talking about saying, "No" to anything sexual - that's non-debatable, non-negotiable EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm meaning even the small questions like, "You should let me come over," or "You should come out for a beer with me." Anyway – I feel like when I’m in a debate with someone, I’m passive and back down easily. And after a while, I just give in to this type of request. Hell, even if its debating about politics. Thus, I try to avoid getting into debates all together! I don’t like that! I don't like being passive and backing down! I want to communicate effectively, maintain composure and patience, and be confident in these situations! I don’t want to back down anymore!

In answering the above question, I realized: What the hell am I doing? I can be a talented negotiator! I WILL BE a talented negotiator! Does anyone have a self-help book on this topic?! (Let me know if you do have recommendations!) I did some light research on the topic and found that being a good negotiator is good for relationships, career advancement, and achieving goals. It also helps to build respect (aren’t we always looking for that?!). Good negotiation skills also help us with patience and understanding both sides of a situation.

But what is the deeper reason I want to be a good negotiator? Maybe I want to be a good negotiator because I feel like I have to defend myself? Why, you ask? Well:

1. I am a woman. “No,” can be negotiated, supposedly. (Just kidding! Please stop.)

2. Court/Trial. I feel like I have to defend the fact that I was raped and I am a good person and I didn’t deserve it. I hate this. I hate it. There should be no defense. There should be no question of evidence. I hate that anyone needs to go through this crap. I hate that there is a variety of evidence for my case but we’re going through the process of: Can we use this evidence? Was it appropriately obtained? Was consent obtained for this evidence? NEWS FLASH: Consent was not obtained when I was raped so why is it so important that there is consent to obtain a person’s DNA?! *Steps off soapbox.*

3. I can be passive at times. I don’t always stand my ground. This needs to stop (I’m talking to myself here. Danielle, this needs to stop.)

Okay, I'm exhausted. I must sign off now. My anxiety is through the roof. I have court in the morning. Someone have a whiskey for me?

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Praying for you lady!

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