Updated: Feb 5, 2021
It wasn’t your fault. You might have your own opinion of if your skirt was too short, or you drank too much, or you wore too much makeup, or your yoga pants and tank top were too tight. I know that you’ve probably tried to figure out what you did wrong and what you did to deserve what happened to you. I know that you’ve contemplated what you could have done differently to prevent this. I did. I did a lot, and I still do. But I am here to stand by you and tell you (and those that may have that opinion of you) that regardless of those things that you think you could have done differently… it happened, and you weren’t giving consent. None of those things that are running through your head meant that you were “asking for it” or “had it coming” or “deserved it.” It is not your fault!
Maybe if you didn’t make friends with someone that you had no idea was a psycho – just like me – maybe things would have been different. Maybe if you weren’t in that place at that moment, it wouldn’t have happened. Maybe if you weren’t getting a divorce, and your husband hadn’t of moved out, and your roommate hadn’t of moved out, and your dog hadn’t of died, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. But that’s no way to live. And YOU don't need to rationalize this - it is simply the fact that the perpetrator is just that: a perpetrator; a rapist. And here you are, reading this. You are a survivor! And the next thing you need to continue to do is survive. Hold your head high and fight; fight with me. The ONLY person that is responsible and is to blame is the perpetrator. Always, always remember that.
I am proud of you for surviving. I am proud of you for every moment you hold your head high and fight through this. I am proud of you for being here today.
Ask for help. Reach out to your support person. Advocate. Seize the day. All the while remembering, you are not alone.